"For some reason I feel that I'm to share this story with you today, and I pray something I say may help another sister in a time of need. A little over a year ago I was sitting on my bed in a crumpled heap of agony and tears, pouring my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I was struggling to understand and find healing and some peace of mind so that I could just function. You see, we had only recently learned that our youngest son had been a victim of sexual child abuse beginning at the young age of apx 7 and lasting 4-5 years. We never knew. You may be asking how in THIS world could we not have know? This was a question I asked myself, over and over and over and over and then over again.
During this time, I was serving as the stake young women's president, we sent three children on missions, our oldest grandchildren were born, we had 3 more of our children marry, and at the very end of these years, my husband was called to be a bishop. Again. We never knew. I believe we never would have known, if the perpetrator had not finally told. (which is in and of itself a miracle) The detective told us that abused children rarely tell. I won't go into details about the prior years other than to say they were extremely hard. But now we knew why. The perpetrator was a son of close friends. Someone we had loved and trusted completely. Why did The Lord allow this to happen to our son? To our family? And again I'm not going into details, but because of who the perpetrator told, it necessitated reporting to the proper authorities. DCFS (division of child and family services) was notified and so were the police. We all had interviews with detectives, DCFS , child advocacy, and we began therapy with and for our son. The County pressed charges and all that began. I knew forgiveness on my part was needed. But how do you go about forgiving someone who has altered your child's life at such a young and tender age and in such a way? And so there I was crying again in a heap, pleading with my Heavenly Father to take away all the pain in my heart. He did not. However, at that time, I was very distinctly reminded, that in our Pre-mortal life, I had fought valiantly for agency. Agency not just for me, but for the perpetrator as well. I knew and understood clearly the importance of agency, and choosing The Lords plan, and this trial I was struggling with was part of that agency I had fought so hard for.
This answer to my prayer came so strongly there was no doubt that it was indeed a divine message for me. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but it was the one I needed to hear that day. Our lives have not suddenly become "all better", but the answer to my prayer strengthen my faith in my Savior and His Loving Atonement, and in the plan of Salvation. And that Faith gives me courage to move forward, with hope in my heart. Healing is happening. We are learning and growing and the feelings and whisperings of the Spirit that I have experienced will be forever imprinted upon my heart and in my mind, and my personal testimony of The Resurrected Lord is unshakable.
Although it's hard to endure the pain and sorrow when someone misuses it, I know beyond a doubt, that agency is a glorious gift, and the joy that comes when we or others use it to follow The Lord, is unmeasurable and knows no bounds!"
During this time, I was serving as the stake young women's president, we sent three children on missions, our oldest grandchildren were born, we had 3 more of our children marry, and at the very end of these years, my husband was called to be a bishop. Again. We never knew. I believe we never would have known, if the perpetrator had not finally told. (which is in and of itself a miracle) The detective told us that abused children rarely tell. I won't go into details about the prior years other than to say they were extremely hard. But now we knew why. The perpetrator was a son of close friends. Someone we had loved and trusted completely. Why did The Lord allow this to happen to our son? To our family? And again I'm not going into details, but because of who the perpetrator told, it necessitated reporting to the proper authorities. DCFS (division of child and family services) was notified and so were the police. We all had interviews with detectives, DCFS , child advocacy, and we began therapy with and for our son. The County pressed charges and all that began. I knew forgiveness on my part was needed. But how do you go about forgiving someone who has altered your child's life at such a young and tender age and in such a way? And so there I was crying again in a heap, pleading with my Heavenly Father to take away all the pain in my heart. He did not. However, at that time, I was very distinctly reminded, that in our Pre-mortal life, I had fought valiantly for agency. Agency not just for me, but for the perpetrator as well. I knew and understood clearly the importance of agency, and choosing The Lords plan, and this trial I was struggling with was part of that agency I had fought so hard for.
This answer to my prayer came so strongly there was no doubt that it was indeed a divine message for me. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but it was the one I needed to hear that day. Our lives have not suddenly become "all better", but the answer to my prayer strengthen my faith in my Savior and His Loving Atonement, and in the plan of Salvation. And that Faith gives me courage to move forward, with hope in my heart. Healing is happening. We are learning and growing and the feelings and whisperings of the Spirit that I have experienced will be forever imprinted upon my heart and in my mind, and my personal testimony of The Resurrected Lord is unshakable.
Although it's hard to endure the pain and sorrow when someone misuses it, I know beyond a doubt, that agency is a glorious gift, and the joy that comes when we or others use it to follow The Lord, is unmeasurable and knows no bounds!"
Lewaina Nelson
@cliffsideranch
THANK YOU Lewaina for sharing this with us!!
Such a great reminder about agency...
This brings a comment to my mind from this weekends LDS General Conference that struck me from Elder Boyd K Packer.
He reminded us that when bad things happen... and we feel like "someone has to pay for this wrong that was committed against us..... remember that someone has already paid for it..."
Let Him take it from you....
We love you!
#hugstimesfive
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