We're going on an adventure!

I'm not sure who created the dumb calendar of events that determined that my intro would be last of the sisters??? 

(ok...it was me).....I obviously didn't think that one thru.... 

But it has been fun to watch everyone's reactions to my sweet sisters introductions.. AREN'T THEY JUST SO FUN?! I am so privileged to be their sister.

SO...HOLLA!!!  I'm Kristi...the middle....the #3 duckling... I'm the funnest one!!

 hahaha...just kidding...   but no really I'm funner.

I'll start out with some facts about me:

• I am determined (aka stubborn as a mule)...  "don't tell me what to do" flows from my mouth regularly (it's a walker girl thing...)
• I'm loyal to a fault...
• I have a potty mouth...$#!@%&
• I am deathly afraid of spiders and was once held hostage by one in my own home... I am 74% certain I almost died that day... I literally got so worked up I puked....3 times... its real.
• I'm not a foofy girl.. not into jewelry or high heels... I'm a jeans and converse type of girl... and I always smell good!!
• I can plan a vacation or party like nobody's business
• I love football...go Redskins (member i am loyal! lol)
• I am calm in stressful situations (mostly for others... I haven't quite mastered this for myself yet..hence the spider scenario)
• I love looove LOVE music... all kinds.. except techno... and screamo...lol  There is music always playing at my house .. and the car... I pretty much throw down like Beyoncé when I'm driving..
• We are also movie addicts at my house. My favorites being The Emperors New Groove #llamaface and Warrior #tapouttommy or ANY musicals..
• My fingernails and toenails are always painted...
• I haven't shaved my legs in like 3 weeks... or more... (hello? single perks!)
• I love the smell of fresh laundry... like almost too much
• I have a phobia of hearing other people eat... lol  don't judge me...
• I hate yard work..
• I'm horrible with money... worst... budgeter... ever...
• I'm almost always sleep deprived...so when you see those humongous bags under my eyes in all of my pics....you'll know why (yikes kristi unpack your bags already...trips over...)
• I am OCD about clean sheets
• I love to cook... and love to feed others
• I don't do drama.....
• I FREAKING LOVE snow... I could live at the North Pole and have it snow urry-day!!!  I'm one of those weird people that get energized during bad weather... love rainy days but terrified of thunder...
• I'm extremely jumpy... I get scared easily which is interesting because there's nothing funnier to me than when people get scared...or fall down  lol... hahaha. ...phew... giggling.

ok ready? I'm just gonna dig right in...


One of the hardest choices I've ever made in my life so far was to get divorced and move my children away from everything they've ever known. It went against everything I ever believed in or knew to be true... it went
against the grain of my very soul....
It was a raging internal battle...

and I most definitely never EVER thought it would happen to me.

  I loved being married.. more than anything... I loved being a wife... I felt like it defined me... and then it was gone. My journey over the past 9 years have been difficult for me.. trying to fill the holes and repair my heart.. rebuild my self-esteem and trying to make myself feel "complete" again without a husband .... I didn't think it was possible. 

We are taught our whole lives that we grow up.. get married.. and have kids. Well $%#!@... now what?

  Digging deep is almost an understatement... I never felt so alone... even in a crowd... or room full of people..  even surrounded by people that loved me.

  Living in a cloudy mind... feeling numb and raw at the same time... not sure which way is up... having 2 children look to me for direction and understanding... when I didn't even know what the crap was happening myself...
leaving them alone to go to work and crying the whole drive there ...
they needed me.. and I needed them...

I literally had to force myself to live minute by minute.... 
just do this minute Kristi....
then hour by hour... just do this hour.... 
then day by day... just do today....

Going from a full time stay at home mom... to a full time working single mom... holy buckets my priorities changed quick... and picking my battles became easy. We went from cleanest house on the planet and fully home cooked meals... to checking to see if we had clean clothes for the day and praying we had enough milk for the cold cereal.

These are MINE!

This is Treavor.. he is 20 and has a heart of PURE gold.. 
This pic is the day after he came home from his mission (early due to injury..this is a whole other blog topic..lol) 
 This fella completely has had my heart since the very second he was born.

and Tai..she is 16..and my genius mini-me gangsta sidekick... every day I live is better with her in it.

My children are the loves of my life...and I promise I am not just saying that.
I feel it to my very core....I feel so incredibly blessed to have them...

 I was absolutely given the children that I needed. 

I look at them and my mommy heart just BEAMS...They give me strength..
and healing... they give me unconditional love and understanding...

 
Watching your children experience pain and heartbreak... is almost unbearable...
especially when it's a choice that I made for them...
I will never forget their faces of anger and fear when I told them we
were moving away.. 
I died a little in that moment...  
And we literally grabbed on to each other for survival and never let go...

 
We have been through some things together that I will probably never
share on this blog...and our bond is cemented having been through those things
together.
One of the very first things I told them after the divorce was that I
would not allow them to play the victim card.. That's not how this is
gonna go down...Yes your parents got divorced.. but that doesn't define you...
or give you the right to not be a positive person and a benefit to society. That is not your purpose here.
You did get a load of #%@$ dumped on your plate that wasn't yours...
so what are you gonna do with it?
I am so thankful to both of them.. for the choices they've made and
their own individual roles in my life. MY KIDS ARE AMAZING...UH-MAZE-ING!
My promise to them is that I will ALWAYS do my part to make sure we are
together forever... no matter what.

Being a single mom is damn hard.... and I won't downplay that for one second...I have been sad about it... felt hurt about it... freakin MAD about it...  and on occasion played the victim about it... 

but through the years I have gotten to today... and today I know that I CAN do it... not only CAN I... but I can LOVE it... 
I love it... and I can freakin do it right!!!  God trusted me to parent my children... 
yes by myself but most definitely NOT ALONE..... 

My family has helped me more than they will ever know... my ridiculously perfect
parents have been a source of strength and foundation for my children. My sisters have been 2nd mothers with pure and perfect love for them ... my sisters children have been their best friends and cheering section since birth... my friends and co-workers have been literal guardians to them...  And last but not least God... He has been with them and me always... during the times when I didn't know what to do or when I felt I absolutely did not have the strength to keep going ... I have never doubted the knowledge to drop to my knees and hand it over to Him. It saved me.
 
When you're a single mom or even just single... you give and give until your tank is empty..sometimes beyond empty.. and there isn't anyone there to help fill it... 
family and friends are great...but anyone who's been single knows its not the same.
And that's where my relationship with my Heavenly Father comes in.... 

He.... has never left me.

  I've experienced about every level of active-ness (is that a word?) in my religion but my faith has never once wavered. I stopped going to church... stopped reading my scriptures... stopped listening to anything church related... my temple bag became dusty.. and it was so easy to do.. fighting all the feelings and pushing it down inside of me..  I just didn't want to feel anything. Because then I'd feel the hurt too..  
but one thing I have learned without a doubt is that truth always comes out... ALWAYS.
I look around now with all of my blessings staring at me in the face... they are everywhere.. 
practically SMACKING me in the facial...
how can I not repay Him by doing what He's asked of me... it's an easy choice really. My life will be different...

I've had my share of heartaches... some totally of my own doing.... and some not... some are very recent.. some are old.. but all of which made me who I am... and all of which I WOULD NOT change. ALL of which God knew I could handle.  ALL of which point me in the right direction.... ALL of which give me the determination to be patient and get it right and do better .... I will get there eventually... And I can't wait to share my journey with you... and have you there with me!! 

We're going on an adventure!! I wonder where we will go???

Well.....that's pretty much my story.. obviously there's much much more..and we will get to it ALL eventually....but I can't sum up my post without talking about my sisters.....

my sissies....

I hardly have words to explain the love I have for my sisters... I can cry on the spot just thinking about them... and feeling the love they have for me. I want to be with them ALL THE TIME!! And like i'm not even kidding....totes not kidding....
I want you all to know that we have had our sibling moments...its hasn't
always been like it is now.... that wouldn't be real....

I may or may not have chased Keri with a knife in our younger years... (I'm not confirming anything) and I think we ALL have scars from Annie...(that is confirmed) hahaha. 

You can't have 5 girls and one bathroom without having a few cat fights and stabbings...lol
But the love we have is unconditional. 
It is one of the things in my life that I am most grateful for. Their love is wide and deep.. solid and true. There have been times that it hasn't been this way... that we have been distant with fear and sadness... but never again... because we choose it. I have a lump in my throat and leaking eyes as I type this... WE CHOOSE IT.... everyone should be able to feel the same love... that's why we created this circle of sisters...

OH SISTERS THE PLACES WE WILL GO!!!
:)

P.S. HEY sooooo...just cuz we are sisters now....does NOT mean you can set me up on dates!!! #youheardme #mmkaypumpkin?

OK AND FOR THE FINALE.....I have created this for your viewing pleasure!!

 

http://youtu.be/8liuD6l7zVs