giving IT away......

I am a daughter, born of goodly parents.   

I was first born of five daughters and raised in a home of love.   

My Mother wasn’t as fortunate; however there was never a day in my young childhood that I really knew of the pain of abuse that she suffered as a child.  She made sure that my sisters and I had everything we needed and more.  In fact, I dare say she over compensated due to her upbringing.  She did not want us to go without – and we did not.  She broke the abusive chain.  How blessed we were. 

In my growing up years I was a bit of a tom boy.  I was {and still am} competitive and adventurous.  There wasn't a triple dog dare that I didn't love.  I loved all animals, bugs, and sports.   When the day came in my youth to make the transition to wearing a bra…it took me a couple of weeks {and perhaps even months} before I would put that darn lacey thing on!  I would hunch my shoulders and wear baggie shirts instead!  I quickly embraced my femininity and I can honestly say that my most favorite thing to wear is a dress and pair of rockin’ shoes. {ummm….do not visit my closet or under my bed...thank you…and we're moving on}

I married early in my life.  Please don’t become feeble kneed, but I was 19 when I married.  I do tend to get the “google” big eyes when I share my wedlock date.  Hey, it happens.  I attended BYU and met my husband the very first week of the semester.  Destiny!  Bam.  We were married the next summer and have been married for almost 27 years.  We have 3 amazing young men together. 

                                                     My oldest son is attending college and has recently returned
                                                    from an LDS mission.  He is available for dating and probably 
                                              would like long walks on the beach if we lived by one. {free publicity!}

  

                                             My middle son is currently serving a mission.  He's been out for 16 months!

 

                                                   My youngest son is about to graduate from high school and just 

                                                                   about to receive his mission call any day.

                                                                     {nerve racking.....hurry it up already!}

                                                                Can't forget my sweet little Rat Terrier, Clover.  
                                                             She was the only way I was ever going to get a girl.

I am definitely a missionary Mom and will continue to be for a few years to come.  I am proud of this heavenly calling to support them in their service.  It beyond warms my soul…and I’ll be the first to admit that the raw emotion of sending them out and welcoming them home is a whirlwind of emotions!    Now, that being said….don’t think that everything to this point in my life has been a rose garden!  I’m about to share a few thorns in my rose garden.

About 10 years into our marriage, we began to struggle.  Lots of various factors and quite honestly I can’t remember all the reasons.  I'm sure whatever the reason they were selfish ones.  It was pretty miserable.  I became involved in online chatting (when it was a new phenomenon and not as freaky scary wacko as today…but still), which only further put up the barrier between my husband and myself.  It was an easy thing for me to become emotionally attached to others.  I disconnected and so did he.  We would go months without speaking.  Sometimes my neighbor would even inform me of my husband’s whereabouts, because I honestly didn’t know.  I was lonely and I’m sure he was too.  I lost my light, my inner beacon; it’s still very difficult for to me to bring up those past emotions as it was a dark period in my life.   I was the oldest, the leader, the example….and feeling unworthy of any of those titles.

Issues compounded themselves as my husband spiraled into depression.  Eventually his depression pushed him into addiction; addiction to prescription medication.  I didn’t have a clue.  How could I?  There was no communication.  Events finally came to a pivotal point one February evening.  I lay in bed just barely falling to sleep……and my husband arrives home earlier than expected from work.  He worked a swing shift.  He climbed into bed in pure silence.  I knew something was immediately wrong.  He began to weep and curl into fetal position into my arms.   Needless to say this was beyond awkward, but I put my uncomfortable selfishness aside and tried to comfort him.  He eventually told me that he was arrested for prescription fraud, was addicted to prescription meds and was being forced to resign from his job of 10 years.  My heart sank.  It was hard to breathe in those moments.  I lay in silence as the words just did not come.  I was in shock.  It was a come to Jesus moment.  We had had our difficult years up to that point, but I did love him…deep down inside I really did love him.  It was a wakeup call for me…..for him….for US and for our precious family.  I had lost sight of what was really important to me, my faith, my family and my very own soul.  In that very moment…a moment that I will remember for the rest of my earthly and eternal life, I recommitted.  I was back in the game.  I prayed more fervently that I had ever prayed.  I was lifted where I stood.  I was broken, but slowly day by day able to pick up the pieces and be a supportive wife and mother to my children for the days and years that have followed since.  There has never been any more looking back...only looking and reaching forward.  I am planted firmly in faith.  Interesting how trials do that to us!? Right?  I am grateful for my struggles.  Twenty seven years ago when I married, I would have never thought this was my road to eternal happiness. Never.  Addiction has no boundaries.

Engagement Picture 1987 -- Isn't 80's hair the best?  Banana clip at it's finest....

My husband is a very humble man.  He is a wonderful man.  He is a dedicated man.  He is one that does not like to talk about himself, however that has had to change during his recovery.  He knows I’m sharing this story with the blog world and I have his blessing. He has shared his story on various occasions at conferences, church meetings and other various recovery programs.  He also is a recovery sponsor to others and attends his recovery meetings regularly…even after 9 years clean.  Of course what we have been through together with the support of each other, family, friends and God in the past decade can not possibly be summed up in one short paragraph.  We've had to earn back our relationship one day at a time.  If you are familiar with the twelve-steps of any recovery program (Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, LDS Addiction Recovery Program, etc) you will know that my husband can only stay clean by giving it away!  This is the same for us all….so today I share my story and give it away in hopes that it will lift you where you stand!    

...and Us today

I keep telling my husband, we should write a book!  Perhaps this is the start of that journey.

There isn't a triple dog dare that I don't love. 

Sissy #1