If you've been following our blog for even just a short amount of time... you know how close we are as sisters.... how much we love each other...
when one of us is hurting.... we all hurt.... when one of us is stressed... or sad... or whatever... you get the point....
The following is an email that Kim shared with us about her experience with finding a lump in her breast. It was scary for us all... Our mother was adopted and so we don't really have any medical history to go off of when it comes to breast cancer...
Kim was gracious enough to let us share this private experience with all of you on our blog.... we hope it helps you or someone you know that is going through a hard time..
*************************
It has been a very spiritual journey and I have learned a lot.
I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for this experience and for the learning and growth needed for my personal and my families spiritual growth.! We are all effected by each other and that is such a gift!
I want to bear witness to you of the tender mercies of Heavenly Father and the Savior and of the blessings of the Priesthood.
It all started on Dec 22, 2014. I had my normal girly check-up and a mammogram. There looked like there was some suspicious tissue in my right breast and so they asked me to come back for a diagnostic mammogram. This is were the Doctor comes to evaluate every picture they take to see what the next step will be and if there needs to be a next step.
As I walked out of the Dr's office, I asked Heavenly Father straight up… “Do I have cancer?” and His response was , “Do you trust me?” That was a very humbling question. I answered "Yes! I trust you,” and he said “Kim, I Love you.” I knew right then that everything was going be ok…. I felt it but I didn’t know at that time what Heavenly Father’s OK meant. Ok to Him and Ok to me can be two very different things.
After the first visit and before the diagnostic, I asked my husband, Darin and and son in law Brent to give me a Priesthood blessing. I will testify to you that EVERYTHING that was said in the blessing came true… even when it looked like it could go a different direction. I was little tearful but felt in my heart that everything was going to be ok. That night as they gave the blessing, we recorded it. Which I am so grateful that we did. I listened to it multiple times. Three things that stood out and as I look back on the events that happened over the next 4 weeks… I could see the Hand of the Lord in my life completely.
He told me what was going to happen. Exactly! I had faith Him and trusted… there was no reason to fear.
The first thing in the blessing that stood out was that I would have further tests. Second, that they would find out the cause and it would not be serious in nature, and third, that my body would heal itself.
Darin came with me to the diagnostic mammogram. I will also testify that the story in the Book of Mormon, the city of Helam, where their burdens were made light but not taken from them, that is truth! I felt it the whole 4 weeks. I felt my Savior carrying me and the family. I knew my daughter, Kell, was very concerned and I tried to have her feel the spirit and not to doubt. Mollie was handling everything pretty well. Kenzie was a mess until the blessing and then she felt it and knew I would be ok. Brent was so sweet an always asked what he could do to help. Darin was very concerned but he knew in his heart that everything was going to work out.
At the diagnostic, I took a book that I have been reading by Gerald Lund, “The Kingdom and the Crown” Series. It is about the Savior’s life, ministry, crucifixion and resurrection. It is one of the most powerful books that I have read. Thank you Gerald Lund!
As I was called back to have the pictures taken, I had complete faith that everything was going turn out ok. They kept taking picture after picture to try to determine the suspicious tissue. As I sat there and waited for the Dr to discuss and look over the pictures, I read while Darin waited out in the lobby. It took quite a while and I was worried that he was going to be worried. Which he was …it was about 2 hours….
I was reading in the book the story of where Christ cursed a fig tree. He was walking with his disciples to Jerusalem for passover. On the next day, Christ and his disciples walked past the fig tree again. They saw that it was completely dead. That it had fallen and the roots and everything the tree was completely dead. They were all astonished because it was a healthy tree just yesterday. Even if the tree had a disease it would take longer than 24 hours for it to die… Then he quoted the scripture , “Truly I say unto you, if you have faith, and doubt not in your heart, and believe those things which you say shall come to pass, you shall not only do this which is done to this fig tree, but also if you should say unto this mountain, “Be thou removed, and be thou cast in to the sea” , behold it too shall be done. Whatsoever things you desire, when you pray, believe that you shall receive them, and you shall receive.”
This story hit me very hard. My heart was pounding and I couldn’t read more of the story. I sat there talking and conversing with Heavenly Father. I asked Him if it be thy will can these suspicious tissues be removed form my breast? and He said to me, ‘Kim, what if I had told you that you had cancer. What would you have done?” I told Him that I would have gone to Him. That I would not become bitter… I would become better. I would learn from Him and what He wanted me to do with this diagnosis. Then He said, “All is Well.’
At the end of the pictures the Dr wanted to meet with me and he told me that what he was seeing was either the beginning of breast cancer or it was just benign tissue. He said that it wouldn’t take my life and that it could be handled very easily. I would need to have a biopsy first, and if needed, surgery, to remove the tissue. I was not in too much shock because the words of the blessing came back, “I would need further tests”…..
The Dr sent me to meet with nurse that would then set up the biopsy. Darin was with me at this time. I was holding it together pretty well, but lost it….. started crying in the office…. I was trying to feel the spirit but my emotions over came me. I actually thought all of those women who are told that they have cancer. I couldn't imagine their pain, fear, and all the questions that must be running through their minds. My heart ached for them.
The biopsy was scheduled on Jan 8. We went home to tell the family. I cried for 2 days but it was an interesting experience. I felt like my spirit was at complete peace…while my physical body had to go through emotions. I knew what was happening and felt comfort through the Holy Ghost just to allow myself to feel what I needed to feel. ….. so I cried and let it all out. I was never angry or mad about it… in fact just the opposite. I had gratitude and I loved my Heavenly Father and knew He was with me. It only lasted 2 days and then I was back to being fine.
Right before the biopsy I didn’t know what to expect so I had Darin give me another Priesthood blessing of comfort. I was grateful for it and the blessing said that everything would go well and no problems. We had to be to the hospital at 12:45. I was nervous. I could literally feel angels around me. I knew they were there. Every time I asked, Heavenly Father are you here? Is the Savior here? Are angels here? I could feel it. I knew it.
The nurse came and escorted me back and Darin stayed out and waited for me. The whole thing took about 2 1/2 hours.
They lay you on a table on your stomach. There is a hole in the middle of the table for your breast to fall through. You cannot move or breath deeply. It will move you out of position and then they would take the wrong tissue to test. You have to be perfectly still. I laid there nervous and trying to calm myself down, I prayed SO HARD!! Help me to stay still. Help me to stay still and be calm. Please help calm my breathing. I pictured myself on a beach in Hawaii at sunset. They also had soft music playing to help me calm down. And I talked with Heavenly Father the whole time.
As the procedure began, they numbed my breast and then they began to take tissue samples. I could hear a drill sounding thing. It was extremely nervous. My nurse was so so helpful as she held my hand. I needed to feel someone there.
The last sample they took, I felt a pull from down my armpit and it hurt. I bled a little more than normal so they didn’t take any more pictures after the surgery because that can increase your bleeding and they didn’t want me to bleed more. After it was over I still had to lay there while they compressed the wound. After 30 minutes of compression, they turned me over and glued my wound shut and put lots of tape and gauze over the area.
I was emotional. It was very traumatic but I felt help from God. I laid there and thought of all my blessings. I gave gratitude to God and continued to praise his name.
They fixed me up and helped me get dressed and took me out to Darin. When I got the car…. I was in a lot pain…. and I cried all the way home... hard.... but good.
In the second blessing HF told me that I would know why I was going through this and that it was important. As I laid on the table, I was told why. My Baptismal covenants. To mourn with those that mourn and to comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and to witness of God at all times, and in all things and in all places even until death. It was very powerful. I cried. I could literally feel the truth of why I needed to experience the pain. I felt it and I will not doubt it! I knew it with every fiber of my being!
Monday morning Jan 12th, I received the call that everything was normal. It was benign fibrous tissues.:):) WHAT A DAY!!! It happened just as the Lord said it would - Further tests but nothing serious!
It has taken over a full week if not longer to heal. I am still a little sore. If you think of the muscles that are attached to your chest… basically your whole arm movement is restricted.
I had to go back into the hospital to take those pictures that they couldn’t take after the procedure. They put a piece of titanium in the spot where the biopsy was performed so that when I have further mammograms that it will show where that biopsy was.
They needed to take pictures to make sure the titanium was in the correct spot. I went back last Thursday. As they compressed my breast to take the picture it stared to bleed. The nurse was very concerned. She went to get the Doctor and I was crying again. There was so much emotion that came to me when I walked into the hospital and then this happened. I was trying so hard to gain my composure.
The Dr looked at my wound and tried to decide what to do… I thought this was so interesting. He said, “I need to think..” and he closed his eyes and started to pray. He didn’t say anything out loud or fold his arms…but I knew in my heart what he was doing. I began to pray.
He was thinking of taking all of the dressing off … all the glue and tape and stuff. I just was begging Heavenly Father, PLEASE NO!!! I prayed hard for him to receive what was for the highest good for my body. They were afraid of blood clots, infections, etc. After he opened his eyes, he said, “We are going to leave you alone.” and then the words from the blessing came to my mind, “Your body will heal itself.” AGAIN!!! a promised blessing! I am so grateful to the Lord and his tender mercies. He blesses us everyday! We are truly watched over.
I felt so strongly that what ever happened - cancer or no cancer- I was in the hands of my loving Heavenly Father. He was watching over me.
God loves us and has given the way for us to truly be happy! The Gospel of Jesus Christ! I believe it with my whole heart! I know God Lives! I know Jesus is the Christ! I know it!! I cannot or will ever deny it!
**********************
Wow right? She is truly a gift to us...
We just love our Sissy #2 SO MUCH!
We are so grateful to have her as our forever sister...and even MORE grateful that she is healthy and happy!! #wewillalwaysbebyyourside
We came across this video today and thought it fit in perfectly with today's post.
This was from a couple of years ago when we planned a surprise breakfast kidnapping for Kimmie's Birthday...
Its pretty funny to watch because the front door was supposed to be unlocked... but you can see by her emotion how much she is LOVED!!
yo #3 here.... I've had a couple of those weeks where you just wonder
WHAT THE CRAP AM I DOING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??
WHY CAN'T I GET MY $#!* TOGETHER??
I was being abusive.... to myself... and i needed to QUIT IT!!
Why are we so hard on ourselves? I would never talk to a stranger or loved one like I was talking to myself.
I did a lot of soul searching during the last 2 weeks... I was stuck at home sick with pneumonia....it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me being in that destructive bully state of mind.
FORCING myself to be thankful for every strained breath I was taking. MAKING myself see how blessed I am for so many good friends, neighbors and family members that came to help me without my asking for it.
BEGGING in my prayers to feel better and asking God to heal my body.
It was during this time that I would ask myself....
What is my job here? What the crap is my purpose?
I don't know if I found the answer exactly...but I know that I DID find out what is NOTmy job...
It's not my job to beat myself up...
It's not my job to be perfect...
It's not my job to judge others... It is not my job to be a self pity queen...
I was not put on this earth for that...
I was not put on this earth for worrying about having a "thigh gap" and "flat abs"... I was not put on this earth to keep wrinkles off my face.... I was not put on this earth to come up with the best pinterest worthy dinners...
I was not put on this earth for the "cleanest house" competition....
All I know...is that I just wanna be around people that love me....
Around my family....my sisters....my parents...my children...
I wanna do good things....and be a good person....and lift others.....SHINE LIGHT. So I say to myself.... "I'M SORRY for being mean" and MOVE ON....
AND THAT INCLUDES OURSELVES!!!
I do like myself.... and I am worthy of my own love....
I know there are things that I need to work on... and thank goodness for that...cuz how boring to be perfect all the time!!! ha!
I also know that when I talk nice to myself... that motivates ME... and I do better things... I feel better....
IT'S MY JOB TO BE MY BEST FRIEND!!!
I'm not perfect....and while on this earth I never will be....
The older I get the more I have realized my many talents.
AND realized things Im NOT talented in.
{Uhem.........Cooking, fur realsies}
.
.
When I was 16 I had NO clue what my talents were.
Having cute clothes and cute hair was all I was worried about. Oh and yelling swear words at my parents. {WHO ME? I would never..........}
Not developing my gifts.....I didn't even know WHAT my gifts were.
I did know I could sing and my mom would teach us little skills, like cross stitch, sewing, painting.....pulling infinity weeds from the garden.
And french braiding my corn silk cabbage patch kids hair. :) whoop whoop!
{i got skillzzzzzz ya'll}
.
.
.
Now that I am ALMOST 38..... I have realized WHY we have the gifts we do and THAT gifts and talent NEVER stop coming......
Especially when we know the source of which it came.
CHRIST!
WE acknowledge that and we thank him......
Our gifts and talents are to UPLIFT OTHERS......which then feeds our soul.
Its an amazing cycle of goodness.
.
I have learned so many things over the years and then i think....who would have KNOWN i could do this?
I love learning new things and sharing them.
Sharing our gifts and talents for GOOD...just as HF intended.
Not one of US is the same.....
.
.
My mom has MANY MANY MAAAAAAAANY gifts.
Like she pretty much stole the show in heaven I think....lol
#talenthog
But she shares her gifts for good, uplifts so MANY people.
I love every single thing in my home that she had made....they are truly treasures.
She painted {in the 80's when tole painting was fantastic..lol} a sign with a paint brush and it said"If we all painted with the same paint brush, what a dull world this would be"
well-----I had no idea that was about me.
I was a terror as a little girl......{eek} I found my OWN path and learned my OWN way.....98% the hard way. {eeks again}.
.
.
Anywho-------So TRUE, we cannot paint with someone else BRUSH!
Do not hide your talents.....
{easy to say right?}
We all struggle opening up and sharing what we love, know and are good at.
We feel "well I could be better" or "what if someone doesn't like it" or or or or or or or.........
We cannot SHRINK or hide our gifts and talents.
I for one feel extremely inadequate sometimes...
.
.
But we gotta shine!
and help others SHINE!
I'm sharing little snippets of watercolors I have done this last little while....
Something I only started and loved a year ago.
.
New family of Three.......recreated from a hospital picture.
Couple Missionaries!
New family of Three.....:)
Christmas Prints!
Prints I made for the young woman i spoke at....
This cowboy for for a family. He passed away.
Cute little Tennis player & her brother below.
{and his beast betty blu}
Missionaries!
For my bathroom.........it reminds me of Mike Every. Single. Day!
.
.
.
I just made this, this past week for the Young Womans!
This is their theme this year.
.
I just picked up a cute little stack of 5x5's order for a ward yesterday...
Im Taking orders--------if you wanna join in on the "EMBARK" fun,